Thursday, 13 June 2019

Living Life with Courage & Conviction

By Karen Alexander

Post 3 of 4 Part Series

The year 2017 proved to be my big transition year. Integrating back into the outside world and the society I had shunned for years. It began with me wanting to be an inspirational speaker. I believed I could inspire other women not to give up the fight, and to encourage people to look outside the medical profession, and system when given the cancer diagnosis by turning instead to healing in natural and nurturing ways. 

Someone met me with rejection after rejection. People’s mindset and belief systems were not easily swayed, even with proof of the medical records. I completed a Professional Health & Wellness Certification, receiving high distinctions, but realised what I had achieved on a much larger scale, could not be studied in some man made classroom or university. 

I had adopted many aspects of natural healing, but I didn't have the inclination to prove my ability to the world anymore. I already showed living proof of what I could achieve. I would give no one the right, or power, to decide if it should receive a high distinction or just a pass. Their judgments no longer mattered. 

Finally, I applied to take part in a University program for entrepreneurial women. A prior event occurred which had led me to receive another rejection. Feeling out of sorts in a big way, I had lost the inner harmony and peace, which I had become accustomed to in my life. 

When filling out the field on the form that requested my occupation, I typed “Adult Delinquent”. I had reached the rebellious stage and rejected everything society stood for about giving people a fair go, by showing support for people in my predicament. I burned with fire and passion, wanting to pass on my story and message. 

Then ashamed of what I had written and submitted. I phoned the professor, closer to the date when the program was due to start, explained my situation and I was graciously accepted into the program. 

It was like the one small flame of hope, of surviving the medical diagnosis; this one small thread of hope of being believed and someone offers me an opportunity. I cried when I found out they had granted me a mentor role for the twelve-week program. I felt the realization, resonating in my solar plexus. This struggle and fight for my life had brought me to this point on my life’s journey. Where I could mentor other women and be given the chance to inspire others. Not just in a business sense, but on a personal level to guide them to believe in themselves and not to question their own self-worth based on other people’s views and opinions. Interacting with these bright intelligent women, re-opened my heart to the outside world. 

During the twelve weeks, I wrote the first draft of my book. The professional person I asked to critique the first five chapters of my manuscript encouraged me to look at writing 40,000 - 70,000 words. It surprised me as I only envisioned writing about 20,000 words. This meant within the first week of the project, I already had massive scope creep. I did not consider it possible to write over 40,000 words. But write I did and wrote over 40,000 words in a little over eight weeks. 

I found I burnt with passion, drive and determination. I had the opportunity, a story and a tale to tell. This kick started my writing career. I managed in under 12 months to be published in four books. The most important was my book about my journey, and the relentless struggle faced on a daily basis. 

My blog site started in 2017, and I surrendered to be part of the social media culture. It is humbling to see hits to my simple little blog site from around the world. Few people leave comments, but my hope is anyone reading my words. Will find hope and comfort if they are facing their challenges and obstacles on life’s journey. 

Every so often, I post free-form poetry or inner turmoil from my journal. It is not so much about other people liking my writing or my journal posts; it is more about me being brave enough to show the world the real me and not trying to pretend to be a person who only society accepts. Or, just being the mean strip on a bell curve in a statistical report which depicts me as an average person, at an average age, or being an average survivor. I am so much more. 

An exercise undertaken when, feeling sensitive and having a low number on the self-worth meter. To convert my thoughts on how I valued myself according to the outside world, which only seems to measure everything by financial gain and wealth. I converted self-worth into a monetary figure. It was the most liberating exercise I could have done. Because it led me during the week to negate negative self-criticisms, and how to rid past judgments and appraisals from people in my life. I stopped looking at myself through others eyes and took a sledge hammer to my doubts and negatives.

No one else's standards, policies or subjective judgement can measure my worth anymore.


Living Life with Courage & Conviction TM

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