Looking back to the year of 2012. (Which is roughly six years into my journey). I had spent time researching and trying various products, and herbs, etc. I realised the best things in life, genuinely are available without man-made constraints.
I was using the collective, universal database, with thousands of people blogging and documenting their journeys. I could believe them because they had no hidden agendas. They were individuals helping other humans in pain and suffering. They did not have their hand out and wrote from the heart and their own experiences.
I learnt to discriminate between people, their hidden agendas and my welfare.
My sixth sense became apt at seeing patterns in the behaviour's people used. Utilised to sell something which only the seller benefited, and not me personally. These studies brought a light relief to my usually quiet world.
One of my pleasures experienced, is when I sit out on the front porch in winter. Facing the East. I bask in the sun and ponder on a profound philosophical book I had just read. Or wisdom I had gleaned. I cherish these moments and found this simple activity has become, one of my great delights.
The sun rises every morning; the moon still has its 28 day cycle. Nothing has changed in the outer world, but I am definitely changing. I am finding solid ground at last. I am enjoying my solitude. I am not lonely.
Let me take you on a sensuous journey of walking along the beach.
Absorbing the tangy salty air; the screech of the seagulls overhead; the warm sun on your face; the scent of seaweed washed up on the beach, or the odour of a dead fish. All senses exposed and in a state, of being utilised and enjoyed. Well maybe not the smelly fish.
It is hard for your senses to absorb everything at once. The cool sea breeze hitting your skin, as you become slowly aware of which way the wind is blowing; the vivid blueness of the sky, or the cloudy gloom which descends with the threat of rain.
The water washes over your toes. You find yourself aware of the sensation of gritty sand on the soles of your feet, and between your toes. Each ebb and flow of water. The sensation of your toes slowly sinking further into the sand. Standing absolutely still, to absorb everything and being aware of how the earth still moves. Your breath, as you slowly breathe in and out. Your heart as it steadily pumps your blood around your body. How much more divine than this free gift of nature?
I found I have access to over 17 million books that are out of copyright. I found time to study whatever subject took my interest, or was to my benefit. Reading these are great works and some are not so well known. The appreciation I sensed, was somebody believed in what they wrote. Committed to the belief and wanted to share it with the rest of the world.
I had warm hearted pets. Who loved me no matter what I experienced. Whether my day was filled with pain, tears, frustrations or exhaustion. My animals were present day in and day out. If it was an emotional day, they were especially attentive. This occurred when reducing the Dexamethasone. The depression was debilitating and a horrible experience. I had to work hard to sort out, and not give up. Animals are so sensitive to our voices, scents and body language.
At the end of 2012. My new established belief system is gaining cohesion. Nothing is hurried. I possess time to live mindfully, and have become innately aware. I take the time to nurture myself and gave myself permission to hope.
Nature and the charm it exposes, surrounds us every day. Nature is free and so is an act of kindness.
Also giving someone hope. I had lived years without anyone giving me hope. I had to find it within myself.
I watch, I study and I learn.
Wishing each and everyone, a loving and beautiful 2018.